I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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