You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
