Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
