I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
