??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
