there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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