HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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