Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize