The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
