Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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