Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
