Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Even my vagina gasped.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
