I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
