What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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