Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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