; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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