i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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