Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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