I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
