so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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