I can tuck mytits in my pants
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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