There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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