sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
