Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize