I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
two words: eviction party
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I believe in your delicious
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
