Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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