just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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