It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
