STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
