You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
3pm strippers are depressing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
