know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
