ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
