dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
