Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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