I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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