Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
