I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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