I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
