just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
