I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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