Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
