I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
