I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
