well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
