I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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