Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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