Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
