His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
