He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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