I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize