Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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