shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize