If i come over, it means nothing
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
