Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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