What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
