im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
