Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
