My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FUCK WHALES
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
