don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
