I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
