Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
