So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i will never coherently bang her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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