There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
