Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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