So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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