Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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