I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
