It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
