We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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