Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
