Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
